Last night, I was nearly starving (yes, after I ate the McDonalds at 4 in the evening that would subsequently give me a raging headache), so I fried some bacon and put in some quick and easy biscuits in the oven. Like I said, I can’t cook at all, so frying bacon is like tying shoes to me, but the laces would be like whipping and cracking snacks snapping back and forth compared to the pops of bacon grease barely missing my left eye. But I digress.

Six pieces of bacon, four biscuits. Wolfed down with two bottles of Pure Life Water (yep, bottled, plastic water, but pure life is supposed to be 30 percent last plastic. Should we so believe?). Somebody once told me that bacon contained a cancerous protein, but I never looked it up or anything, so I’m still ignorant to all the other harms of this natural breakfast food that I’ve been eating since I was a child. Heck, when I was a kid — around 10, 11 or 12 — I used to eat a pack of bacon every freakin’ morning. I was around 5′3-5′4 then, very chubby, and ate a lot of junk food compared to today’s still-yet-overabundance. The difference from my eating today from then is that 1.) I’ve calmed down on soda/pop, 2.) I no longer eat a pack of bacon per morning (maybe 5-8 slices, and that’s too much anyhow), and 3.) I used to be in love with chocolate; more specifically Hershey’s — I used to eat maybe two bars a day, now I only eat about one bar every month or two.

So, I got taller, exercised more, and became a decently healthy guy. But from all the unhealthy crap that I eat, I wouldn’t call myself healthy. This is usually my routine on a daily basis, most of the time:

6:30-7:00: Wake up and sit around on my computer until I feel hungry. Once I feel hungry, I go into the kitchen, get out eggs and bacon (I usually eat three to four scrambled eggs with, as said, five to eight slices of bacon, maybe some sausage every now and then), occasionally I’ll eat two pieces of toast (but it is seldom), and that’s my breakfast. To wash it all down, I’ll either drink two of those small bottles (half the size of say a soda bottle) of Sunny D Orange Juice. Then with some water.

4:00-5:00: I can usually go a while without eating. On my lunch break, there’s nowhere to go (besides the annoying fast food that I’m trying to stray away from), so I usually don’t venture out. When I come home, I find something to put in the microwave from my fridge, or I’ll fix something else that’s incredibly easy. Other times, I’ll eat what you think — fast food, baby! The joyful, deceiving, ‘makes you feel good when you taste it but will make you feel like a bowl of crap two hours later’ FAST FOOD! Of course, there’s one restaurant that I’ll order from every now and then, and that’s a place known as El Mariachi. It’s an actual sit down restaurant (pretty much the ONLY one here). What I usually get there is chicken wings or tacos (the tacos are a lot better than Taco Bell’s, but you guessed it, more lucrative). The wings are good, but after a while they’re easy to get tired of. They always give you chips and salsa when you order, so that’s a plus, too. But I bet sodium and carbs are packing all over that, but I’ll let my ignorance be uncorrected.

Anyhow, I’m going to go and eat breakfast. High in protein. High in fat. High in the category that’s not listed on the back of the cartons/packs, but known to you and I as Clogged Arteries.